Capability Mode
Made by Mark Shehata. Anyone movie makers want to pick it up? WARNING: MUCH RACISM AND RUDENESS!
18+Reccommended by Matthew and Cameron. The following script was not created by us and in no way represents our thoughts and feelings. Uploaded by request.
Aswin Hardcore
Scene 1, Subway Restaurant, (Set in Knox)
ASSWIN
Hello
JOSH
Hi Ass
ASSWIN
What did you say!
JOSH
Ass is your nick name
ASSWIN
Well that’s alright, my name is Asswin after all.
Why don’t we get some food while were at Subway
JOSH
That sounds alright
Asswin walks to asian & orders food
ASSWIN
I’ll have a 12 inch foot long sub
SUBWAY
Ok, that will be $10.95
ASSWIN
No wait, does that have six grams of fat or less?
SUBWAY
No, not really.
Why? are you trying to lose weight
ASSWIN
What did you say!
SUBWAY
I asked you a question, nevermind.
You don’t look skinny anyway
ASSWIN
Do you know who I am!
SUBWAY
No, and I don’t care who you are,
even if your Osama Bin Laden
Asswins face turns to black in anger
JOSH
Hey, take it easy Aswin.
Geez, she’s only trying to flirt
ASSWIN
Eat fresh, eat shit!
Asswin punches the Subway worker
SUBWAY
What the F### is wrong with you!
ASSWIN
Where I come from, we call this black pride!
SUBWAY
Well get ‘Lost’
I didn’t know fast food was such a dangerous job,
you are the worst guy I have ever met.
Dick!
asian worker runs away in tears
JOSH
Lets get out of here before she calls the cops.
I’ve had enough of this Bull S###
ASSWIN
Hey let’s go to KFC, my friend Mark works there.
JOSH
That sounds alright
Asswin has a vision
ASSWIN
Crap! I just remembered that my enemy Duvids Vaginas slashed my car tyres.
JOSH
Who cares, let’s go to Tafe before we get expelled for being so late everyday
I’ve ran out of excuses & i’m not saying I saw Bree Buras naked again.
Scene 2, Arcade, (Set in Chadstone)
ASSWIN
Well here we are.
JOSH
Geeez
ASSWIN
Oh no theres Davids, run!
Asswin & Josh hide behind ‘Time Crisis’
 |
ASSWIN
Now he’s gone to eat some food with his weird friends.
What a relief
JOSH
Wow, that was close!.
TIM JESSE
Oh!
ASSWIN
Hi Tim Jesse
JOSH
It’s Tim Jesse!
TIM JESSE
Why are you hide behind the machine?
ASSWIN
I saw a porno mag behind here
TIM JESSE
Are you angry!
ASWIN
No
TIM JESSE
Are you aroused?
ASSWIN
You better go to class, you you shouldn’t be late for your class
Timmy looks slightly saddened by Aswin
TIM JESSE
Oh!
Tim Jesse walks off with a angry face
JOSH
Tim Jesse, mind you own business!
ASSWIN
Ok now I am going to play time crisis
JOSH
I can’t believe that Timmy has not went yet
TIME CRISIS
INSERT COIN!!
ASSWIN
Here is my last coin
I better win because i’ve had a rough day today.
Asswin inserts a coin to play
JOSH
It’s about time.
Asswin get’s ready to shoot
TIME CRISIS
ACTION!!
Loud action music begins with a helicopter exploding and terrorists jumping everywhere
ASSWIN
Ok, time to kill these terrorists.
TIME CRISIS
You’ll never save the princess, Asswin!
ASSWIN
YES I WILL
Asswin shoots through stage 1
ASSWIN
Yes i’ve beaten the first stage.
JOSH
You better win this game I can’t wait to see the ending.
ASSWIN
Die terrorists, die!
Yes!
TIME CRISIS
YOUR OUT OF AMMO!,
INSERT COIN TO CONTINUE
TIM JESSE
Oh!
ASSWIN
What the FUCK do you want Tim Jesse!!!!
That’s it!
Thats it, This has been the worst day of my life!!
OH! OH YOURSELF!
Aswin shoots Tim Jesse’s head off!
ASSWIN
That feels so fucken good!
JONO (ENEMY)
Well hello Aswin, do you like my new dress!
Aswin shoots Jono’s head off!
ASSWIN
I feel even better, go the cats!
DAVIDS
Hey Aswin, how do you like your slashed tyres!
ASSWIN
I know what you’d like.
If I slashed your ass.
But i’ll just shoot you because it’s easier!
Aswin shoots Davids in his pants!
JOSH
Take it easy Aswin or you’ll kill us all!
MARK
Hi Aswin, try some crispy chicken from KFC.
ASSWIN
No, I enjoy shooting people.
Aswin shoots Mark in his pants!
MARK
Why is everyone asleep?
I’m not!
ASSWIN
I missed my target!
Aswin shoots Mark again!
MARK
That’s right.
JOSH
Help!
Asswin is crazy!!
ASSWIN
Eat this!
Asswin shoots Josh in slow motion with DRAMATIC MUSIC!
ASSWIN
Well, my job here is done!.
MATT
Oh my god!
ASSWIN
Hi Matt,
Astalavista baby!
MATT
No, wait!
I haven’t been to India!
CAMERON
Oh my God!
What happened here!
ASSWIN
I had a bad day today.
Why don’t we all go and get some ice cream then forget about all this.
MATT
ok,
i’m exited.
CAMERON
Hey, there’s Davids weird friend!
DAVIDS WEIRD FRIENDS
Where is Davids?
CAMERON
He said to me that he killed himself,
and that you all suck.
MATT
Typical Davids.
Scene 3, Wendy’s, (Set in Knox)
ASSWIN
Let’s get some ice cream!
CAMERON
Whipped CREAM!!
ASSWIN
Oh yeah!
MATT
Let’s get some girls,
I need a change in my life
CAMERON
I want to get some tonight!
MATT
Not if you get drunk!
Remember what happened when you had Alcohol at my party.
CAMERON
I punched Percy!!
Asswin aproaches the counter at Wendy’s
ASSWIN
I’ll get a fucken shake!
RAJ
Fuuuuuck youuuuu
ASSWIN
WHAT DID YOU SAY!
Asswin grabs his gun and shoots Raj
ASSWIN
I’ll be back!
CAMERON
Ok Aswin
MATT
Hey, someone just sent me a text message.
CAMERON
Who is it.
MATT
It’s Mark and he says
“don’t walk around with Aswin or he will get you both with his dangerous weapon!, whatever you do stay away from Aswin! Do you understand, stay away from Asswin!”
CAMERON
Wheres Aswin,
he’s been in the Bathroom for an hour!
MATT
We should listen to Mark and go.
CAMERON
Ok
GHOST
CAMEROOOON, CAMEROOOOON!, I am the ghost of Raj!!!, ALALALALALALA!
I’m here to tell you an extremely important message.
Asswin is really a terrorist and he is a part of Alquada terrorist group! He will blow up Australia because he hates the free world! I know because I came from the future, you must leave Australia and go to India now!, go and start a new life, my home is a very nice place. THE TAJ MAHAL!
To be continued.
Aswin Hardcore 2
Part 2
Scene 1, Wendys, (Set in Knox)
MATT
Well it’s been an hour and ten minutes,
I wonder why Aswin is taking so long in the bathroom.
CAMERON
What could he be doing in there?
I hope hes not being a Woman.
MATT
Who cares, I think we should listen to Mark
and go to India before Aswin kills us all.
CAMERON
Your right Matt,
lets fly to India with Asswins helicopter.
MATT
Didn’t he steal it from George Bush.
CAMERON
Yes,
but he took it with pride.
Black Pride.
MATT
Typical Aswin,
Where is his helicopter anyway?
CAMERON
In his backyard. I know where he lives,
just down the corner.
Come on lets go before Aswin finds out!
Scene 2, Asswins street, (Set in Australia)
MATT
Which home is Aswins?
CAMERON
The one that looks Indonesian.
MATT
Look, there it is!.
it’s got ‘Geelong FC’ written on the letterbox
and a ‘Geelong’ hat on the fountain.
CAMERON
How do we get into the backyard.
MATT
Jump over the fence
CAMERON
What if Aswins mom sees us!
MATT
Tell her were the FBI.
CAMERON
Ok
Cameron jumps over the fence into Aswins mysterious backyard
CAMERON
I found the helicopter,
im turning it on!.
MATT
Fly over the fence so i can jump in.
Cameron turns on the helicopter then fly’s over the fence with amazing power!
Matt jumps into the helicopter!
CAMERON
Now lets fly to India.
MATT
I need a change in my life!
HELICOPTER
*PASSWORD ENTRY REQUIRED*
CAMERON
Crap whats the password!
MATT
“Mogomogo”
HELICOPTER
PASSWORD GRANTED
ENJOY YOUR FLIGHT
CAMERON
Yes!
Scene 3, Taj Mahal, (Set in India)
MATT
I see India!
there it is.
CAMERON
Ok, now to land into the Taj Mahal.
RAJ (GHOST)
Cameroooooon Camerooooon,
Welcome to my home, enjoy your stay.
Oh and don’t forget the password, it’s Fuuuuuuuuck Youuuuuu.
MATT
Typical Raj.
The helicopter slowly approaches India
CAMERON
How do I land the helicopter.
MATT
Gently toss the stick,
then toss it again but gently this time.
CAMERON
It’s working.
I’m losing control now, help!
The helicopter slowly approaches India but not so gently this time
CAMERON
I’m going to land on the elephant,
This is Hardcore
MATT
I’m exited.
The helicopter lands on Rajs elephant
Help!
MATT
Help!
CAMERON
The elephant is hungry
RAJ (GHOST)
I’m gonna fuck you from better to best if you don’t leave my elephant alone!
Get out of my country, Fuuuuuuuck Youuuuuuuu
Cameron & Matt fly the helicopter back to Australia
CAMERON
Now lets fly back to Australia.
MATT
I can’t wait to see Aswin again,
Lets find out what happened to him.
Scene 4, Asswins Home, (Set in Australia)
The helicopter approaches Asswins backyard
MATT
Land the helicopter but gently this time,
and i mean gently!
CAMERON
I did it, yes.
Hey theres Aswins mom.
Hi Asswins mom!
Hide!
MATT
use this inflatable Aswin to trick his mom.
CAMERON
ok!
ASWINS MOM
Where have you been all night Aswin?
INFLATABLE ASWIN
…………………………………………..Ah..
ASSWINS MOM
I know, you’ve been at Bree Buras’s house!
Shes one hot bitch!
You enjoy yourself and sneak into her bedroom ok!
Oh! and if you ever need anything, just ask.
Asswins mom walks off happier than ever before
MATT
mind your own business Asswins mom!
CAMERON
I can’t believe she thought this doll was Aswin.
I’m going home, see you tomorrow.
Scene 5, Tafe, (Set in Chadstone)
JOSH
Hi Mark, what have you been up to lately?
MARK
Kentucky Fried Chicken, it’s finger lickin good!
JOSH
Geez
CAMERON
Oh my God,
Your back.
JOSH
I had armor on me so I survived the Chadstone massecre,
thanks to Aswin I almost died.
MARK
Me too.
MATT
Hello everyone.
CAMERON
Can you believe Aswin didn’t tell his mom about this
MATT
Who cares, look what I got from Ebay!
CAMERON
It looks like a calculator
MATT
This is a i-phone
it cost me $500
MARK
That looks expensive,
wow you have japanese videos on it, Cool.
JOSH
My dads friend got one of those, they’re really cool.
CAMERON
I can’t wait for the start of class,
today were going to hear Marks radio show.
JOSH
Finally, were about to hear the most anticipated radio show of the year.
MATT
He should talk about the Chadstone massecre caused by Aswin.
CAMERON
Hey lets all go to class together and cherish our days,
for these are the days of our lives.
Everybody walks to class holding hands and Davids ghost plays a violin in the background
MATT
That feels good.
JOSH
I feel like a virgin,
touched for the very first time.
TIM JESSE
Oh!
JOSH
It’s Tim Jesse
TIM JESSE
Oh I see you walk and hold hands
so a get happy because we all love one to another hoho.
CAMERON
Go to class Timmy or you’ll fail.
Timmy walks away looking confused
JOSH
Whats he on!
CAMERON
probably weed.
Everyone gets to class safe & sound
RADIO TEACHER
Greetings from my desk,
I’ve just taken an express flight from the cafeteria to my desk.
JOSH
Hi sir, how was your trip around USA
RADIO TEACHER
Fabulous, I won’t go into detail for now but i’ll tell you later
KAYLA
I’ve been trying to get my MD to record sound for 6 weeks!
MARINA
Did you plug it into the wrong hole.
KAYLA
Yes!
MARINA
I’m all done so I can sit back and relax.
CAMERON
After walking here and holding your hands I just felt so happy,
maybe I should go on a show like Oprah
ASWIN
I’m BACK! And I feel like playing Time Crisis again, but this time
it’s personal! I want enemies in real life to satisfy my hunger for killing and murder!.
CAMERON
It’s Aswin, duck!
RADIO TEACHER
Oh Aswin i’ve got some good news for you,
the Television studio at the MCG want
you for work experience, you can be the camera man
and record Geelong missing every goal!
ASWIN
What did you say!,
Geelong is the king of AFL!
What your about to say will change your life forever!
RADIO TEACHER
I’m on the edge of my seat, and I feel like i’m in a Hollywood thriller.
What are you going to do now.
Call Kevin Sheedy and ask him for a half second interview!
IASWIN
What did you say!
RADIO TEACHER
I’m improvising Aswin, and I know it hurts
just as much as Geelong does.
ASWIN
Your about to experience a change in your life.
RADIO TEACHER
Surprise me
Aswin pulls a pistol out and shoots the teacher causing a terrible tragedy
ASWIN
I’m improvising, I know it hurts,
Just as much as this bullet does.
now for some real action, Hardcore action!
JOSH
Oh my God!
MATT
Aswin,
wait!
Tell me what happened the other day.
ASWIN
I took an hour and a half in the bathrooms
because someone beat me up,
But I got that bitch!
Real BAD
CAMERON
Do you know who beat you up?
ASWIN
It was Rajs evil twin brother! ,
‘aka’ Fuck You x2(times two)
JOSH
Geez
BIG JOHN
You sissy, I bet I could have killed him.
ASWIN
You shithead, I bet I could kill you!
Aswin shoots big john with a sniper rifle
ASWIN
That feels good!
a little too good
MATT
Aswin is a psycho,
I caught him shooting the teacher and Big John with my i- phone!
Now I’m going to post it on youtube!
CAMERON
Run from Aswin,
He’s going to kill us all!
MATT
I know a shortcut to the train,
follow me!
Matt, Cameron, Josh ,and Mark run to the train
CAMERON
Fuck validating
Scene 6, Train Station, (Set in Chadstone)
MATT
When is the next train?
JOSH
Lets listen to the annoying voice from the speakers.
TRAIN
The next train to depart is at…….
I’m gonna kill you all!
My name is Aswin Hardassjasasmita
MARK
I prefer Aswins voice instead of the gay guy.
I see the train, here it comes.
TRAIN
JUMP ON ME AND PLUNGE IT IN!
MARK
go go go!, Aswins nearly catching up.
The train arrives just at time and everyone catches it except Aswin
MATT
We made it!
JOSH
Gee
CAMERON
What a relief!
MATT
hey, why is the train slowing down!
The train stops moving and lights turn off
Music: scary mysterious music
Duration:05 Seconds
TRAIN
Welcome to the Glen Waverley train massacre, featuring
ASSWIN HARDASSMITA as your host and special guest,
the ghost of Duvids Vaginas
CAMERON
What the hell is Aswin doing today?
How did he gain control of a Metropolitan train!
MARK
I’m missing Dr Phil because of Aswin!
JOSH
Lets all be nice to Asswin for once, he might not kill us
because were his friends!
CAMERON
You don’t know the real Aswin until you know Aswin the hardassmita!
Aswin jumps out of the air vents like a ninja and has a gun
ASSWIN
I’m here to get you all!
I’m gonna kill everyone,
for Hardcore action!
Hey where is everyone?
Everyone escaped through the emergency exit into Stephs bedroom
DAVIDS GHOST
You suck Aswin, you couldn’nt even stop them from escaping to Stephs bedroom.
I’m going to see whats so exiting down there.
Scene 7, Stephs bedroom, (Set in Stephs home)
MATT
look at Stephs diary
Lets read it
MATT
It says here, “i will always dream of Aswins smooth face and his short black hair”
I get so shy that I ignore him whenever I see him!
CAMERON
Here comes Steph, hide!
To be continued
Aswin Hardcore 3
Part 3
Scene 1, Stephs bedroom, (Set in Stephs home)
JOSH
Quickly hide underneath her bed.
CAMERON
I’m not going down there
Cameron hides behind the curtains
MATT
I’m hiding under the blanket
Steph enters the bedroom
STEPH
Finally I can relax, now where is my pink top,
I think I left it on my bed
Steph looks under her blanket and sees Matthews hair
STEPH
I didn’t know i was losing so much hair
Steph tries pulling the hair off the bed
STEPH
Wow thats strong hair, I cant even pull it off the bed,
theres my pink top!
It was on the computer.
Steph takes off her clothes to put on the pink top
JOSH
wow
STEPH
What was that!
STEPH
Probably my imagination.
Damn I look good, firm bust,
long smooth legs, nice ass, wide hips and to top it all off,
long Asian hair.
Steph turns on the computer
STEPH
Now it’s time to use my webcam,
to show my secret lover Asswin just how beautiful I am.
The webcam starts recording
STEPH
Hi Aswin, I can’t stop thinking of you!,so I am making this steamy video
for you to see how much I like you.
enjoy the miracle of creation
Music: Boys 2 Men – I’ll make love to you
Duration: 3 mins
She slowly strips all her clothes off!
MARK
YEAH BABY!
STEPH
What was that!
Probably my imagination.
Steph continues to strip off all her clothes
STEPH
I feel beautiful,
Don’t ever forget
You are my Aswinator and you always will be.
Steph turns off the computer
STEPH
That felt so relaxing, i enjoy myself.
I’m hungry, time to go eat some KFC.
Steph leaves her home
MARK
That was close!
I have to run and open KFC for Steph!. So she can eat!
JOSH
Lets come here every day!
CAMERON
Did you enjoy that?
MATT
no but I enjoyed recording it on my i-phone!
JOSH
Jeez,
Lets all follow Mark and hide inside KFC to see all the action.
This is just the beginning of the action on Aswin Hardcore 3!
Josh, Matthew and Cameron go in Marks car and drag race to KFC
COPS
Hey there mothafuckers,
nice weels nigga!
MARK
yo, these are my wheels bro, it’s all i got bitch
ya know what I’m sayin’
COPS.
take care nigga,
later homies
Scene 2, KFC, (Set in KFC)
Mark sneaks into KFC through the backdoor
KFC MANAGER (INDIAN)
Hello Hello, Mark how are you!
MARK
Good, how is your mom.
KFC MANAGER (INDIAN)
Who the fuck are the people!
MARK
illegal immigrants
KFC MANAGER (INDIAN)
GOOD, THATS GOOD,
THEY WORK FOR FREE
Cameron, Matthew and Josh hide behind the backdoor!
STEPH
I just can’t wait to put that juicy crispy chicken in my mouth!
Steph walks to the counter in KFC
MARK
Welcome to Kfc, how may I help you.
STEPH
You look familier to me, have I known you from somewhere?
maybe not, it’s probably just my imagination
Aswin slowly walks to KFC
ASWIN
Now to feed my hunger with crispy juicy chicken, featuring gravy
and special guest Coca Cola.
MARK
Oh my Ganesh!
It’s Aswin, he’s still got that gun in his pocket!
And he’s about to enter KFC!
ASWIN
Shit!,theres Mark Shehata inside!
i know!, i’ll break into the backdoor!
Aswin goes to break the backdoor and jumps into KFC
ASWIN
Freeze , my name is Asswin and i’m here for revenge!
KFC MANAGER (INDIAN)
WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU
MARK
Thats Asswin
STEPH
You know Aswin?
That proves that I knew you once and you knew Aswin.
Aswin approaches the KFC menu
ASWIN
Excuse me sir, what can I get for $10
KFC MANAGER (INDIAN)
Nothing! Nothing at all!
who are you? an illegal immigrant!
ASWIN
WHAT DID YOU SAY!!
Aswins face turns black and he gets his gun out
KFC MANAGER (INDIAN)
DON’T SHOOT!
ASWIN
Give me all your cash and money bitch!
The power of the Hardass commands you!
The KFC manager pulls his pants down and points his ass at Asswin, then he poos
KFC MANAGER (INDIAN)
Eat this motherfucker,
Can’t beat that taste!
EXTREMELY DANGEROUS MUSIC BEGINS
Duration: 10 Secs
ASWIN
Can’t beat that taste?
CANT BEAT THIS GUN SHOT!
UP YOUR ASS!
Aswin shoots the KFC manager up his ass and the poo goes everywhere
ASWIN
FUCK YOU MOTHERFUCKER!
That feels so fucken good,
carn the dogs!
CAMERON
shoot the shit
STEPH
Aswin it’s me Steph, your secret lover!!
ASWIN
Steph it’s me Aswin, your secret killer!!
Steph cries
MARK
That wasn’t very nice Asswin
Matthew, Josh and Cameron jump out of the ground
MATT
Steph made you a steamy video
CAMERON
I haven’t seen such a beautiful sight in my entire life!
MARK
OH YEAH!!
We were hiding inside Steph OH’s bedroom!
STEPH
WHAT!
YOU PERVERTS!
Steph slaps Mark on the face
JOSH
I came but I didn’t come!
ASWIN
First I cant watch Porn, then I can’t eat KFC
Thats it, THATS IT, THIS HAS BEEN THE WORST NIGHT OF MY LIFE!!
STEPH
Really? your the BIGGEST Hardass in KFC right now!!
ASWIN
REALLY! YOUR THE BIGGEST SLUT IN KFC right now!!
Aswin Shoots Steph so fast that she broke all the windows while getting shot!
ASSWIN
THAT FELT SO FUCKEN GOOD!
Go the cats!
JOSH
Easy tiger
MARK
ASWIN!
YOUR REALLY GETTING DANGEROUS!!!
ASSWIN
Mark, don’t try pushing me off limits!
Don’t underestimate the power of the Aswinator
Aswin transforms into a terrorist from Time Crisis and get into a Tank
JOSH
Geez
CAMERON
Shit!
Lets get out of here before Aswin kills us all
Everybody jumps in Marks car except Aswin, Mark does a burnout and drives off
MARK
That was close.
Scene 3,Driving in Richmond at 3am, (Set in Marks car)
JOSH
yo Mark, lets get wasted!
CAMERON
Lets get some bitches & ho’s!
Mark turns up the radio and the subwoofers TO THE MAX!
JOSH
I love this song!,
i like ta move it move it!
I like to move it move it!
you like to,
MOVE IT!
A cop car turns on it’s siren
MATT
Crap! theres a Cop car chasing us
MARK
He won’t get us!
Mark speeds up to 300 km/h and uses up some Nitrus plus Turbo Chargers!
JOSH
These subwoofers are fucken Awesome!
MATT
HOW LOUD ARE MARKS SPEAKERS!
i can’t even hear myself!
The Cop car smashes into Marks rear
JOSH
Oh shit!, This Ferrari cost Mark a million bucks!
What the f is wrong with this cop!
Marks Ferrari pulls over on the side road
MARK
Fuck evening Officer!
COPS (TIM JESSE)
Oh!
JOSH
It’s Tim Jesse
COPS (TIM JESSE)
You see what i do!
MARK
You smashed my car,
your gonna pay for this!
COPS (TIM JESSE)
That’s not a car,
it’s just a shiny dick with 2 seats in it.
Tim Jesse gives Mark a $1000,000 fine
JOSH
Geez
Music: Fast Techno (Dramatic)
Length: 0:20 Secs
MARK
HEY
FUCK YOU!!
COPS (TIM JESSE)
What you say?
Tim Jesse gets his out Sniper Rifle Gun loaded with Ammo
COPS (TIM JESSE)
You!
Don’t do that!
MATT
Don’t shoot him
COPS (TIM JESSE)
You see what i do!
Serve & Protect mothafuckaz
You want this shit!, it’s loaded!
CAMERON
Everybody JUST CALM DOWN!
Mark gets a gun out of his glove box & points it at Officer Tim Jesse
MARK
FREEZE BITCH!
COPS (TIM JESSE)
Oh!
JOSH
Shoot Tim Jesse!
Do it,
DO IT!!!!!!
MARK
NO!
Josh shoots him with incredible power
JOSH
You had to shoot him, for self defence
CAMERON
Lets go home
MARK
ok, i need some Alcohol to cool down.
MATT
We’ve done some crazy things but nothing this bad.
nobody will suspect anything, so lets just forget this ever happened.
Scene 4, Tafe, (Set in Chadstone)
CAMERON
lets call Mark and see why he’s so late today
ASWIN
Where the fuck is Mark!
MARK
I’m here, i bought some Spring rolls.
Try some!
ASWIN
get in the fucken studio and talk bitch!
I need to finish my 3 minute story NOW!
MARK
Am i your special guest?
ASWIN
Your my only guest!
i already did Cameron & Matthew!
but you were late, shithead!
MARK
Ok. I’m ready, just after i tuck my shirt out!
ASWIN
Today i have with me a special guest for my topic, Connex trains are very busy,
and they are overcrowded plus not efficient, what do you think Mark?
MARK
Breeeeeee Buras Breeeeeee Buras!
Jump on me and plunge it in! plunge it in!!
ASWIN
SHUT THE FUCK UP MARK!!
Matthew & Cameron run to the cafeteria
MATT
Is this LIVE!!
CAMERON
Oh my GOD!!!
BRIAN IS GONNA KILL ASWIN!!
JOSH
What the fuck! this is so funny!!
whats the tradies gonna say about this!
I’m having a chicko roll and i hear Bree Buras in the speakers here in the CAFETERIA!
THIS IS BETTER THAN PHONE SEX
JOHNNY
Aswin is getting adventurous!
PAKI
Ohhhhhhhhhh!
MARINA
I CANT STOP LAUGHING!
JONATHAN (ENEMY)
Mark is a slut and there’s no denying that he is one
BIG JOHN
Hit radio is overrated!
KAYLA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
LIPPY
I’m about to put a 6 inch roll in my mouth and i hear PHONE SEX ON AIR!!!
Thats disgusting!
Brian happily approaches the cafeteria with a hungry stomach
MATT
Here comes Brian, and he’s going to kill ASWIN!
BRIAN
Whats up, i’m just here to grab a snack.
JOSH
Were just talking about some boring movies, nothing of interest.
BRIAN
Very well, watch as i attempt to eat the most tantalizing burger of your natural born life!
carry on.
Brian is about to put a Mega Double Whopper (with bacon & shredded onion) in his mouth
MARK (CAFETERIA SPEAKERS)
I’m Bree Buras & i need COCK!
All people in cafeteria laugh out loud
BRIAN
What the fuck! What WAS THAT???!!
Brian spits all his Mega Double Whopper plus his face turns BLACK in anger!!!!
ASWIN (CAFETERIA SPEAKERS)
I’M GETTING ANGRY!!
I’ve pulled out my headphones and scratched my head uncontrollably!!
Ok Mark whats your worst movie you’ve ever seen!
MARK (CAFETERIA SPEAKERS)
The horror of Science & Fear
ASWIN (CAFETERIA SPEAKERS)
WHAT DID YOU SAY!!
MARK (CAFETERIA SPEAKERS)
You had gay superhero music, shit special effects,
and to top it all of, the shortest guy in history, Raj!!
ASWIN (CAFETERIA SPEAKERS)
THATS IT, What!, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU SAY??!!! I’M GONNA KILL YOU!!
Aswin eggs Mark with a dozen eggs
JOSH
Shit!
Brain enters the radio studio
BRIAN (CAFETERIA SPEAKERS)
ASWIN, WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!!! ARE YOU GAY!!
NO SWEARING!! WHATSOEVER!! YOUR IN SO MUCH TROUBLE!!
YOUR A FUCKWIT!!
JOHNNY
Wow, Hit radio hits a new level! Coarse language & sexually explicit content!
ASWIN (CAFETERIA SPEAKERS)
GUESS WHAT!! I GIVE UP! HERES MY FINAL THOUGHTS!!
MARK! YOUR MOM IS SO FAT THAT SHE WOULDN’T FIT IN A MILLION JETS!
BRIAN, GET FUCKED AND I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS FINAL TRACK
IT’S CALLED, BREE BURAS – HARDCORE.
BREE DOING IT (CAFETERIA SPEAKERS)
Yes Yes, Breeeeeee Buras Breeeeeee Buras! YES! YES! YES!
THIS FEELS BETTER THAN HAVING A BATH IN BUTTER WITH DUVIDS!
Breeeeeee Buras Breeeeeee Buras!
ASWIN (CAFETERIA SPEAKERS)
That was Bree Buras – hardcore, hope you enjoyed it, i know i did.
and remember, don’t ever underestimate the power of the Aswinator!
Aswin shoots Brian with incredible anger!
ASWIN (CAFETERIA SPEAKERS)
Well my job here is done.
MARK (CAFETERIA SPEAKERS)
That was beautiful!
ASWIN (CAFETERIA SPEAKERS)
Not as much as this!
Aswin shoots mark with 50 guns live on air!
CAMERON
Oh the Horror!
KAYLA
What was that for!
BIG JOHN
Hey Aswin, you fucken suck!
wheres your respect!
ASWIN
Oh are you trying to make me angry, dont push me over the limit!
BECAUSE I WILL BLOW YOU, AND I BLOW YOU AND EVERYONE!!!
Aswin shoots BJ with a tank
ASWIN
Yeah Baby, bang bang bang!
I feel so dirty!
But it’s simply iresisstable!
JOSH
easy tiger!
MATT
Lets get out of here before Aswin kills everyone!
Matthew gets a Jet from his i-phone called the ‘Sprouse Mousse’
MATT
Quickly!, take the ‘Sprouse Mousse’
Hop In!
CAMERON
COOL!
JOSH
SO LONG ASWIN!!
MARK
Wait for me!
Mark & everyone jump into the ‘Sprouse Mousse’ just in time and fly to Crown Casino
To Be Continued………………………….
ASWIN HARDCORE 4
Scene 1, Crown Casino (Set in Sprousse Mousse)
MATT
Well here we are, Crown Casino.
I PHONE
Perfect landing Matt,
you have scored with 50 virtual girls in your I Phone
MARK
Thank you for saving us from that wild person known to us as Aswin
JOSH
If it wern’t for your i-phone we’d all be dead,
hey lets walk around the Casino!
Josh rubs his hands and makes fire with them
CAMERON
Hey, did you see ‘Lost’ on ice
JOSH
No, who wants to see that,
i’m hungry, lets go to the food court.
Everyone walks to the food court
JOSH
Hey look! Kentucky Fried Kebabs!
I hope they’re not Terrorists
MARK
Yeah man, I’m buying one
Mark & Josh approach KFB where an Arab is standing at the cash register
JOSH
Excuse me, what can i get for 5 cents,
THIS SHOP!! wahahahahahaha
KFB
What did you say!
Allah Akbar!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAh
Song: Action Music Plus Arab mix
Duration: 30 seconds
The arab grabs a gun from under the cash register and shoots a fireball into the air
JOSH
Hey take it easy, i was only trying to flirt
MARK
Hey whats in the Kebab chef?
A old man with a Turban sticks his head out of the window
CHEF
tabboulei feah sharrieg sheech, sharef
MARK
One please!
KFB
HEDDI IL SHARMOOT WAHED! YALLA YALLA YALLA!!!!
The chef throws a kebab out the window
KFB
I’m just pretending to be Arab, i’m really from the FBI!
shhh keep it a secret.
JOSH
Sorry man, i thought you were really islam
MATT
Hey look what i’ve got!,
an ice cream shaped like my i-phone.
CAMERON
And i have some biscuits shaped like ‘Lost’ characters
MARK
I feel super hyper
Lets walk out the back, i need to relax.
Josh walks to Asian Caucasian to order his food
JOSH
I got some indomi noodles, yum.
lets cruise
Mark and everybody walk out the back
CAMERON
I wonder where Asswin could be right now?
MARK
Who cares, hey whats that guy doing? he’s coming right up to us!
JOSH
Everybody shut up!, just stand up straight and don’t look suspicious, don’t act drunk just shut up!
don’t do anything at all, don’t breathe just shut up, I’ll handle this!
That guy finally comes up to Mark, Cameron, Matt and Josh
THAT GUY
Good evening gentlemen, nice night isn’t it
I’m here to tell you about a very important development, but first to breaking news,
do you know who i am
JOSH
evening officer!, how may i help you?
THAT GUY
First thing first, i’m not a officer.
You have no idea how many people want to know what Scientology is!
You don’t know the history of psychiatry, I do.
Second thing second, TELL ME WHO I AM!
JOSH
SOME DUMB ASS?
MATT
easy tiger
MARK
George Bush?
THAT GUY
Your close, i see you noticed my American accent.
CAMERON
Henry Ian Cusick, he’s my favourite character!
MATT
Just tell us who you are!
THAT GUY
I’m Tom Cruise!,
and I’m here to tell you about the church of Scientology.
In the year 3000 our Leader will fly us to a new galaxy!
JOSH
your crazy, get away from me!
THAT GUY (TOM CRUISE)
Very well, i have no choice but to give you this pamphlet. Goodbye!
Tom Cruise hands Josh a pamphlet about Scientology
MARK
It says Tom Cruise,
Trust to cruise with Tom Cruise that is if you wish to accept it.
JOSH
It also says in the pamphlet “this message will self destruct in five seconds”
Josh throws the pamphlet at KFB and it blows up the shop
MATT
that looks real so I’m recording it on my i phone!
CAMERON
Congratulations on being African
JOSH
Crown Casino is really crazy now, they should call it Crazy Casino, first we find some FBI pretending to be Arab then at the back we find Tom Cruise!
MARK
Ok lets just keep walking, lets turn left.
JOSH
Mark look, there’s a girls club,
Look theres a girl walking up to us, I think you should strut.
MARK
I think you should shut up
MATT
So far i’ve put my hands in 257 girls pants! and now it’s paying off!
maybe they can sense my uniqueness.
a girl walks up to Mark, Josh, Cameron and Matthew
A GIRL
would you like to watch toy story between my legs?
MARK
Yeah baby!
A GIRL
It’s very exiting, don’t forget to try the virtual Bree.
Mark enters the girls club, his face turns red in excitement
JOSH
Now will never see Mark again,
he’s a man, a grown man
Scene 2, KFC (Set at (the real kfc) at the KFC Carpark at kfc) Time:3am
ASSWIN
Shit, am I still in KFC? Theres blood everywhere from yesterday.
I need to find Matt, Cameron, Mark and Matt,
but first i need some device to track them down,
i know i’ll go buy a cell phone.
Asswin runs into Dicksmith
DICK
It’s 3am, were closed. I’m just a security guard.
ASSWIN
My name is Aswin Hardajasassmitta!,
beware of the Hardassmitta. now serve me dick!
Give me a cell phone, whats the cheapest thing you’ve got, anything under $2.
DICK
Here take this one, it’s good, real good. and it’s free.
Dick gives Asswin a mobile phone
ASSWIN
Is this real
DICK
baby it’s real
ASSWIN
I don’t believe you
DICK
What is it that you find so hard to believe?
ASSWIN
At 3am a Dick gives me a phone for $2?
DICK
Ok, heres the catch.
Dick throws a dick at Aswin
DICK
CATCH!
Asswin gets turkey slapped
DICK
Thats real!
Now do you believe me!
ASSWIN
thats it!
OK THATS IT! THIS HAS BEEN THE WORST CUSTOMER SERVICE OF MY LIFE!!
You wanna know what else is real!!
Asswin pulls his pants off and a massive gun comes out of him
ASSWIN
This is real!, you want some of this S###. this is what happens when you F### with steroids.
It’s a gun but only natural, and I’m using it for revenge,
Take this gun shot, it’s good, real good and it’s free!
DICK
I’m so scared, sigh
ASSWIN
Be prepared for the most powerful gunshot in your life!
DickSmith? DICKSHIT!
Asswin shoots Dicksmith with his natural gun and all lights blew out
ASSWIN
I’m taking that phone, an i phone
ok lets see where Mark and the gang are now!
i phone talk to me!
I phone shows a map
I PHONE
Mark is in Casino with the gang
ASSWIN
What could Mark and the rest be doing at this time of night!
They must be celebrating manhood!
I’m gonna stop them from having fun by getting revenge AGAIN!
They forgot one thing! I’m a man too!! I’m going to celebrate with violence!
Asswin runs on the road and tries stopping a Taxi
TAXI DRIVER
Oh my Ganesh!
a crazy man on the road!
at 3AM!
Taxi speeds up to 200 km/h
TAXI DRIVER
NO ONE CAN STOP ME NOW!
not even that crazy man!
GABANAVISHNU!
Taxi driver turns up radio to celebrate speeding
MUSIC: Crazy Indian Hindi Mix Music
DURATION:200 seconds
TAXI DRIVER
SUJE GESHPI MUHJEN BUGUME SRESHY!
ASSWIN
Ok Taxi! Thats it,
THATS IT! First my friends celebrate manhood!,
Then a taxi tries running away!
I have no choice but to shoot the taxi!
Aswin pulls his pants down
ASSWIN
Manhood here i come!
Asswins natural gun gets loaded with ammo!
ASSWIN
I feel dangerous
Asswin shoots the taxi with incredible manpower!
TAXI DRIVER
ALALLALALALA!
Taxi stops immediately with a terrorist popping out of the drivers side
TAXI DRIVER
Are you crazy? what the Ganesh do you want!
Asswin jumps into the Taxi
TAXI DRIVER
Where to bitch!
ASSWIN
Crown Casino, make it quick!
Asswin gives taxi driver a 2 dollar note
TAXI DRIVER
Good curry, good money, good curry, lets hurry!
Taxi speeds up to 300 Mph for Asswin
ASSWIN
Man I’m hungry
TAXI DRIVER
eat this, I stole it from my brothers wedding
Taxi driver hands Asswin a wedding cake
TAXI DRIVER
Do you take this wedding cake to be your lawful wedded snack
ASSWIN
I do, why does it say Raj on the cake?
Whatever.
Taxi slows down for some
TAXI DRIVER
I just want to get some, I’ll be back soon
Taxi driver runs into Gaylord Indian Stripclub
ASSWIN
This Taxi driver is really pissing me off
Asswin jumps into the frontseat
ASSWIN
I didn’t get my drivers license for nothing!
Time to steal my first vehicle
Taxi driver runs outside naked and runs behind his Taxi
TAXI DRIVER
No wait, Ganesh commands you
ASSWIN
Now that i’ve gotten away lets party, oh yeah
Asswin starts dancing with his Geelong hat going left and right
Asswin turns up Love FM
When I see you, I get a banana in my pants!
Do it with the Aswinator he needs charging,
charge me baby!
RADIO
purchase accessories to help achieve more
with your partner in bed!,
We guarantee you will feel stronger for longer or your money back guaranteed.
ASSWIN
Now wheres the Casino,
I need to get charged before having an early charge alone!
I need to save my Manhood.
Asswin finds a mysterious item on the dashboard
ASSWIN
Hey this Taxi driver left his condoms! Now with curry inside as lube!
This has to be the best Taxi experience in my life!
Scene 3, Crown Casino (Set in Gay Indian Restaurant)
KAMERON
Man this is hard
JOSH
and spicy!
MATT
Weve spent a hundred dollars on liquorice curry,
and wasted an hour eating it!
Josh’s face turns red in spices!
JOSH
thats too spicy!!!!!
I need water NOW!!!!!!!!!!
Josh runs outside of Casino in search for water
CAMERON
Josh wait!
Cameron runs behind Josh
MATT
while I wait for them, I’ll read this Indian Adult magazine for tips in bed!, now I’m a Man.
Josh approaches the river
JOSH
WATER! AHHHHHHHHHHHH
Josh drinks the whole river
JOSH
Fuck that feels good, AHHHHHHHHH
CAMERON
That must have been one spicy liquorice,
lets go back to Matt, since I feel dangerous will use the alley way.
remember now were men!
Aswin driving, spots Josh & Cameron by the river! He talks to himself making accusations
ASWIN
There they are,
Cameron you dirty slut!
Why are you standing by the river with Josh?
I know, Josh did it with Cameron to make me jealous!
Josh & Cameron walk through the Alley way
ASWIN
I’ll use my binoculars to see what theyre doing,
now there walking in the alley way!
Theres no escaping now!
I’ll drive my Taxi in through the other end and block the way!
CAMERON
Man this alley way is dark, even darker then Stephs hall!
A mysterious looking crap appears out of the garbage
JOSH
Everybody shut up!, I’ll handle this, just stand up straight and don’t look suspicious,
don’t act drunk just shut up!, don’t blink, I’ll handle it.
don’t do anything at all, don’t breathe just shut up,
SHUT UP, I’LL HANDLE THIS!
POOR BUM
Spare change?
Josh gives the poor bum indomi noodles
JOSH
here you go, poor bum
poor bums face turns black in anger
POOR BUM
I said a dollar BITCH!
poor bum throws indomi noodles at Josh in ANGER!
JOSH
OWWWWWWWWWWW!!
GEEZ!
CAMERON
Hey what was that for?
Cameron pushes the door open
JOSH
Look theres Mark!
Josh and Cameron see Mark dancing on the disco floor like a elephant
JOSH
Mark get down,
You know you want to!
Mark runs to the alley way bringing with him 2 sluts
MARK
Hey guys look what I got,
free sluts, ethnic sluts!
Slut drops her clothes off
SLUT 1 (ASIAN)
Do me now, mr asia!
JOSH
Geez
CAMERON
What about me?
MARK
I brought some blow up dolls for you Cameron,
here this one is a girl from ‘Lost’
CAMERON
hallelujah!
JOSH
Hey whats that car doing?
Asswin drives his Taxi through the alley way speeding at 300 Mph
Music: Dangerous Action Hardcore Techno
Length: 11 Seconds
Asswin sticks his head out the window
ASSWIN
Run from the Taxi, maybe your gay!, I know your dirty secret bitches!
CAMERON
Whats Asswin doing!
Where did he get that Taxi from?, Aswin snorts drugs, i’m convinced.
SLUT 2 (Indian)
Save me Mark!
Josh, Cameron, Mark and the 2 sluts jump back into the disco through the door!
JOSH
wow, saved by the disco!
DISCO (SPEAKERS)
Your love has run me over,
run me down to the ground!
Asswins Taxi smashes into the Disco! At 300 Mph!
MARK
Love will run you over if we don’t run now!
All Disco dancers scream and run everywhere!
JOSH
easy tiger
MARK
I’ll use my weapons of mass destruction to stop Asswins Taxi!
Mark throws a grenade launcher at the Taxi
JOSH
It’s gonna blow up!
Run from the disco now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SLUT 2 (Indian)
danger is so sexy! do me now Mark,
On the dancefloor!
Everyone runs out the disco into the alley way!
MARK
That was close
A loud bang comes out of the disco door
JOSH
Geez
CAMERON
Now we can party all night along,
come on lets go back to Matt,
forget Asswin I need to get some.
MARK
ok
Everyone (including the 2 sluts) walk into the Gay restaurant
MATT
Mark, Cameron and Josh! Your back!
And you’ve brought me some girls!
Matt this is Dumi,
& thats Fookmi
CAMERON
And this is my blow up doll of a girl from ‘Lost’
SLUT 1 &2
Pleased to meet you!
SLUT 1 – Fookmi (Asian)
I’m horney
SLUT 2 – Dumi (Indian)
no i’m horney!
CAMERON
My doll doesn’t speak
MATT
Vishnu makana kaneshfi!
SLUT 2 – Dumi (Indian)
Hagane! Mosaari yunammem poori doori!
MARK
MATTHEW! How did you learn to speak Hindi?
MATT
I learnt it from that Adult magazine in Gaylord Indian Restaurant!
MARK
Stop it!,
your turning her on!
MATT
Theres nothing you can do about it, change is inevitable.
Enjoy the miracle of creation!
SLUT 2 – Dumi (Indian)
magane magane magane!
MARK
Shes being stimulated by your long shiny hair,
noooooooooo
JOSH
Damn, Matt has begun the long road of manhood,
I think i’m gonna cry now,
It’s so beautiful.
MARK
Someday I’ll score, you’ll see.
CAMERON
Comeon lets walk,
I’m walking away.
From boys,
TO MEN!
All enter the casino
JOSH
I feel tense, I need a massage after all that.
MARK
A wild soothing massage
MATT
I feel so alive
JOSH
Oh yeah
CAMERON
We made it, were Men!
JOSH
I need to freshen up, i’m going into the restrooms for a minute.
Josh walks into the bathroom
MATT
Hey, guess what
CAMERON
What?
MATT
Josh walked into…
the GAY RESTROOMS!!!!!!
MARK
Ohhhhhhhhhhh my Ganesh
JOSH!
SLUT 1 – Fookmi (Asian)
Josh, we haven’t slept with eachother yet!
Oh well, his indian friend looks muscular enough.
Meanwhile Inside the restrooms…….
JOSH
Geez,
Which toilet should I pick?
I know, I choose pink!
TOILET SPEAKERS
Fresh!
JOSH
What was that, probably my imagination.
Now to pull my manhood out for hosing.
Josh pulls his manhood out for a hose!
JOSH
Geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez
Josh flushes the toilet with such a relief!
JOSH
Maaaaaaaaaan, nothing can top that off, not even sex
Geez.
Josh approaches the mirror
JOSH
Man I look good, a little too good.
I think I should stop attracting so many girls,
I’m such a stud, oh yeah.
JOSH
I sure could do with a massage,
a wild soothing massage.
Mark sure knows how to live the good life, thats the life man.
Lights all go out
Music: scary music
Duration:20 secs
………………….
Well Well Well,
guess who!
I’m going to give you the wildest massage of your life!
Who is that?
What do you want,
………………….
I’m gonna F### you from better to best!,
but first!, heres the menu.
One BJ
One fresh sausage,
and tonights special, fried balls!
I’m a smooth criminal, OH!
Were going to have one sexy party tonight!
JOSH
Don’t rob me from my manhood.
You gay!
What will Josh do to stop this gay from turning him soft?
To be continued…………………..
ASWIN HARDCORE 4 AND A HALF
Scene 1, Crown Casino (Set in Gay restrooms)
……………………..
Lets party, I need to forget about the past.
JOSH
Why, what did you do.
……………………..
Nothing, its none of your business.
JOSH
Yes it is, I’m your Father!
now turn on the lights so i can see you.
……………………..
Are you high?, first you are not my Father.
And second, you don’t need to turn on the lights to party,
and third, my parents were both Women.
JOSH
Why do you want to hurt me.
……………………..
I’m doing this for revenge!,
under my bosses order.
JOSH
What kind of freak are you.
……………………..
A super freak, now everybody sing.
wait, theres nobody here exept me and you.
Now to pull my pants down and see what they want for a midnight snack.
Josh comes up with a fascinating idea
JOSH
Hey, I know what to do for an escape.
Josh pulls a Curry Liquorice out of his pocket
JOSH
You know what, you sound horny so I’m taking my pants down too,
and while they’re down look at me head to head.
……………………..
OK, finally an Asian who listens to me.
JOSH
OK are you ready now, touch my body.
……………………..
Whatever you say, Mr give up easily.
JOSH
OK, first you’ll feel my sausage.
Now pull it as hard as you can.
Josh places the spicy liquorice in front of him
JOSH
You know what, just eat me.
I’ve always wanted to know what It’s like to be a girl.
…………………….. pulls the sausage from Josh and eats it
……………………..
mm mm, delicious!
I can eat it, thats really good.
…………………….. face turns dark red and he screams like a girl blowing fire everywhere
……………………..
Hooooooooooooooooooot, Help me my mouth is on fire!
The fire shows Josh where to escape into a vent
JOSH
Yes, now i can go back to my friends and celebrate,
oh and I’ll just take this guys wallet because It’s pink.
Josh enters the ceilings vents and disappears into the midnight darkness
……………………..
I’ll get that Asian someday, ejaculation pending.
Scene 2, Crown Casino (Set in Poker rooms)
MATT
I can’t believe Josh has not went yet.
CAMERON
From where?
MATT
The Gay toilets, I left my I phone wireless camera and he still hasn’t opened those doors.
CAMERON
Hey, Dumi and Fookmi look lonely at the slot machines, I bet they miss Josh in the Gay toilets.
How long could he possibly take In there?
MATT
My I Phone satellite map tells me that the Gay restrooms have a pink toilet, frisky whiskey, and to top it all off, a gay dance party every 45 minutes.
CAMERON
Lets play a game of poker for good luck.
Cameron & Matt go to a table of Poker wheel, Mark sits down speechless
MATT
I’d like 20 quarters thanks.
The Old man wearing a suit throws them at Matt’s face in disgust
OLD MAN
Le pute merci!
MATT
I’m offended, very well carry on.
CAMERON
Spin the wheel, I’m feeling fortunate.
OLD MAN
Go, go, go!
The wheel spins incredibly fast under the Old Mans orders
MATT
I’m getting exited!
CAMERON
I’m holding up my blow up dole for good luck.
OLD MAN
Stop, stop, stop!
The wheel stops incredibly fast under the Old Mans orders
OLD MAN
Winner, congratulations.
Here is your prize, a romantic holiday with your boyfriend to Honolulu,
you’ll be staying 2 nights thanks to American Airlines.
MATT
Yes, we won!
CAMERON
Do we get free entertainment.
OLD MAN
No, you’ll have to entertain each other.
The Old Man disappears into thin air, two tickets to Honolulu appear on the Poker table.
MATT
I’m glad that I won, if only Josh was here.
CAMERON
Two tickets means twice the fun.
Scene 3, Crown Casino (Set in Air Vents)
JOSH
Man, I feel like a rebel,
now to explore the hidden treasures of Crown Casino,
I’ll start by crawling to the far right,
1, 2, 1, 2, man this is good exercise.
Josh happily crawls to freedom
10 minutes later……..
JOSH
I see the light, but first I must look to see if it’s safe to jump out.
Josh finds a secret palace for rich people and sees Lesbians being playful
JOSH
Wow, I’ve never seen girl to girl action in my life!,
Mark sure knows how to live the good life,
he keeps telling me about his collection.
Josh crawls away in envy
JOSH
I need to wash my eyes after seeing that,
Geez Mark.
Matt’s I Phone jumps in the air yelling at him
I PHONE
Wireless camera senses a door opening, press 6 for sex, 7 for seven sluts, or 8 to get to the point.
MATT
Get to the point, press 8.
Extremely Technical music plays
Song: Technical Details
Length: 20 Seconds
I PHONE
Watch this video that was captured just a few seconds ago,
look as the gay restroom doors open up,
this shows a mysterious looking man walking out with a spicy liquorice and a face.
CAMERON
That guy must be Josh, I’m convinced.
MATT
Then you should go tell Fookmi and Dumi he’s on his way,
what a brilliant idea, then we will all fly away into the night.
Cameron walks to Dumi & Fookmi at the slot machine
CAMERON
Josh is on his way, I’m convinced.
Fookmi
Really……………..
CAMERON
Yes, now I’m going back over there.
Cameron walks back to Matt next to the Poker table
MATT
I know what will bring Josh back,
a love song dedication, call the love dj now and tell him about Josh.
CAMERON
OK, but what song should i dedicate?
MATT
Whats Josh’s favourite song ever, Pump it up.
Cameron calls up the Love Song Dj
LOVE DJ (SOFT VOICE)
Hello welcome to the Love Dedications, how may I love you,
your on air.
CAMERON
Hi Mr Love, tonight I would like to dedicate a song,
It’s called Pump it up, for Josh my lover.
LOVE DJ (SOFT VOICE)
Aaaaaaah, that was very sweet of you Cameron,
now tell me how long have you been seeing Josh.
CAMERON (ANGRY)
What is it that you find so hard to believe!
Cameron slams the phone and breaks the hook!
LOVE DJ (SOFT VOICE)
Easy tiger!
don’t get so angry I’m a homosexual too.
Scene 4, Federation Square (Set in CBD) time:1am
ASSWIN
Man I’m so glad I stopped by to watch some R
rated SBS movie on the big Federation Square TV,
the Indian girls look amazing when topless.
Asswin returns to his stolen Taxi
ASSWIN
I better go look for Cameron and everyone else,
I almost hit them a few hours ago with my taxi, but they probably forgot about it by now.
Asswin starts driving and turns up the radio for some relaxing
ASSWIN
Hey, this song is called Pump It Up!
I love it, that is so true.
RADIO (LOVE DJ)
And that was Pump It Up dedicated to Josh,
I sure hope Cameron and Josh pump it up later tonight,
I’ve got my fingers crossed.
Asswins face turns black in anger!
ASSWIN
What did you say!
THATS IT, I’M GONNA KILL CAMERON,
AND JOSH!
they’re not the only ones who are gonna pump it up tonight!
Scene 5, Crown Casino (Set in Casino)
MATT
Which song did you dedicate to Josh
CAMERON
Pump It Up,
do you think Josh heard that?
MATT
Yes, he always listens to that song.
Cameron notices something
CAMERON
Hey what happened to Mark?
MATT
He’s giving that Elephant statue a soothing massage,
he’s drunk.
Fookmi & Dumi wave at Cameron & Matthew
CAMERON
Lets go see what Dumi and Fookmi want.
Matt & Cameron walk to Dumi & Fookmi
FOOKMI (ASIAN)
I want a massage,
like Indian man do to that.
Fookmi points at Mark giving Elephant a massage
MATT
Do it Cameron,
give her a massage like what they did on the Lost finale.
CAMERON
Ok Fookmi, Captain Cameron at your service!
FOOKMI (ASIAN)
Nude, no clothes.
MATT
Do it Cameron.
CAMERON
No
FOOKMI (ASIAN)
Do it I give u free BJ, and Lost game!
Only on PS3
Cameron rips his pants off with incredible power!
CAMERON
I’ll do anything for a free game!
even Bree.
Fookmi takes her clothes off, exept lower body
FOOKMI (ASIAN)
3, 2, 1, go!
Cameron begins to massage Fookmi from the back
MATT
You go Cameron,
but remember, there is a perception that massage can help improve sexual performance.
CAMERON
Delicious
FOOKMI (ASIAN)
That feel good!
push!, push!, rub me up!
Push and Rub,
repeat after me!
Scene 6, Crown Casino (Set in Air Vents)
JOSH
Lets see what else I’ll find,
probably more Lesbians!
JOSH
Hey, theres another light,
It’s blue!
Josh crawls rapidly to see whats down there
JOSH
Hey theres Cameron,
whats he doing,
HES GIVING FOOKMI A MASSAGE!
AND HES GOT NO PANTS ON!!!!
THATS IT, I’M GONNA KILL CAMERON,
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Josh jumps out of the ceiling with incredible anger!
CAMERON
Oh, hey Josh.
I’m just giving Fookmi a massage,
come on, join the fun!
JOSH
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING CAMERON!
SHES MY BITCH, GET YOUR OWN DIPSHIT!
Joshs muscles power up in rapid motion! he chews spicy liquorice & blows fire out like a dragon
JOSH
COMEON CAMERON, FIGHT ME!
AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
MATT
easy tiger
Asswin enters the Poker rooms with a vengeance!
ASSWIN
Theres Cameron,
I’m going to kill that bitch!
CAMERON
Oh shit, here comes Aswin.
Now I’m really fucked.
MATT
Typical Cameron.
Extremely DANGEROUS music plays!
Song: DANGER!
Length: 200 Seconds
Asswin approaches Cameron next to Fookmi with no pants on and Josh with huge biceps!
ASSWIN
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU CAMERON!,
FIRST YOU MAKE LOVE WITH JOSH BY THE RIVER,
THEN GIVE FOOKMI A SOOTHING MASSAGE!!!!!!,
ARE YOU STARTING A THREESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MATT
Good question, are you Cameron?
CAMERON
no
JOSH
AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH,
I’M GONNA KILL YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
leave Fookmi alone!
ASSWIN
Hey Josh, check this out,
I’M THE SHIT!
Aswins manhood jumps out of his pants and a massive machine gun appears out of his body!
FOOKMI (ASIAN)
Wow!, mega dick!
DUMI (INDIAN)
Marks friends have the biggest dicks I’ve ever seen!
ASSWIN
Thats right bitch!,
time to become the Aswinator!
don’t underestimate the power of the Hardass!
Asswin & Josh fight Cameron badass style
CAMERON
What the fuck!
Help! save me Mr Protection!
ASSWIN
YOU WANNA PUMP IT UP WITH JOSH?
PUMP THIS UP YOUR ASS!
Asswin shoots skittles at Cameron with no pants on
CAMERON
NO, HELP ME MATT!
Skittles make me queer!
Josh loses his muscles for unknown reasons
ASSWIN
Josh, stop messing around!
what happened to your testosterone?
JOSH
Skittles are my weakness,
plus I’m out of steroids!
crap!
Aswin turns back to normal size
ASWIN
If your not fighting, I’m not!,
I can’t do it without you!
JOSH
That’s life.
Sorry Cameron, I’m nice so I can’t kill you.
CAMERON
Thats ok Josh.
Matt, did you enjoy that?
MATT
No, but i enjoyed recording it on my I Phone!
you can put your pants on now!
MARK
Hi guys, why is Fookmi on a massage table topless?
MATT
Shes horny
DUMI (INDIAN)
No, I’m Horney!
ASWIN
Were all horney
CAMERON
Asswin no,
stop drinking my whiskey it’s frisky!
To be continued……………………………………………..
October 14, 2008 at 8:33 am
i sure hope Bree and me pump it up together oneday!
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!